


and i still feel stupid when i cry.

by mushroomcow69



Series: t's projection hurt/comfort:) [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Crying, Crying TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Good Sibling Wilbur Soot, Heavy Angst, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, No Romance, No Smut, Not Shippy, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Wilbur Soot, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Sleepy Boys, Technoblade is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Deserves Better (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has PTSD (Video Blogging RPF), Trauma, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushroomcow69/pseuds/mushroomcow69
Summary: tommy's meetup with sbi goes off track when something triggers memories he'd rather the others not know about.THIS FIC IS NOT SEXUALIZING OR SHIPPING TOMMY, THERE WILL BE NO SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC EVENTS OR IMPLICATIONS.(tommy+sbi hurt/comfort)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: t's projection hurt/comfort:) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073444
Comments: 41
Kudos: 622
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	and i still feel stupid when i cry.

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas, have some heavy heavy angst!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: this fic is about s**ual a$$ault trauma, there are vague descriptions of implied actions, and writing of the effects of the trauma!!!! graphic description of a panic attack, brief mention of vomit, description and mention of alcohol. please please be careful<3 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: i have never, and will never, sexualize tommy, tubbo, or any cc's who are uncomfortable with such. the sexual content in this fic is purely traumatic, will only ever be reffered to as such, and will never be described beyong vague implications. my writing about serious topics like this is purely to help people cope, and if any of the cc's state that they're uncomfortable with fanfictions all my work will b taken down immediately!!!
> 
> ok so i wanted to try posting one of the fics as a work instead of a chapter bc  
> 1\. this isn't in the universe thing of my vent oneshot book; sbi doesn't know anything happened in this  
> 2\. i wanna test if more people see the fic in the book or as a seperate work so if u could comment id really appreciate it:)
> 
> i feel like enjoy isnt the right thing to say for this fic? good luck? hope you're okay? love yall<3

"Tommy," Wilbur exclaimed, jumping up from the couch phone in hand, "Your dad said yes!"

Varying excited yelps filled the room as Tommy chuckled nervously. It's not that he doesn't _want_ to try it, he does, he just doesn't know if his body will be okay with it. It's a gamble, and if it _does_ trigger him, unless he can whip out the SMP acting skills, he's gonna have some explaining to do. 

"Okay, okay," Phil interjected, hands leveled in front of him, "he gets _one_ sip, and Wilbur pours it; I am not giving Tommyinnit possession of alcohol."

Wilbur and Techno nodded in agreement, The taller of the boys already on track to the kitchen. 

"If you think about it," Techno mumbled sarcastically, "This is the best way for Tommy to try booze for the first time. Surrounded by adults who play Minecraft for a living."

Phil chuckled, cutting in from the couch, "No but actually, it's better he try it with us than with some party."

"I'm not letting the gremlin have more than a sip," Wilbur concurred from behind the cabinet door. 

"You wanna, Toms?" Phil turned to his side, gazing at the teen next to him on the sofa. 

He trusts them. 

It's been months. 

It'll be fine. 

"Fuck yes I want to!"

"This is going to be so fucking funny," Wilbur returned, plopping onto the couch, clear bottle and cup in hand. 

Tommy puffed his chest performatively, "It will not be, I'm a fuckin' man!"

Techno snorted lightly and shifted forward to be closer to the others, who now surrounded Tommy on Wilbur's sofa as the aforementioned poured approximately one teaspoon of liquid into the cup. 

"Oh _come on_ , more than that," Tommy groaned, grab for the bottle immediately shut down by Wilbur, who was obviously prepared for such actions. 

"No, Tommy," he mumbled, screwing the cap back on and setting the bottle on the floor. 

"Pussy," the younger grumbled absentmindedly. 

"Okay, Tommy," Phil called assertively, his accent rubbing off on the words, "You ready?"

Tommy nodded violently, looking up at Wilbur like a begging puppy. The brunette huffed a smile before gently handing him the cup. 

Tommy drew his fist towards his chest in a 'Yes!' movement before gingerly throwing the cup back, cringing at the bitter taste. 

He closed his eyes, opening them as the liquor slid down his throat. _It was fine_. He knew it would be. He was over it now, he was perfectly capable of turning to his friends and laughing at the disgusting teenage rite of passage. 

A warmth spread up his throat, making his breath hitch. It hit him very suddenly, the bitter taste on the back of his tongue, the burn in his stomach. It was all too familiar, all too memorable, all too similar. His gut clenched, freezing in a blank stare at the wall across from him. 

"Well? What do you think, gremlin child?"

Tommy blinked numbly, the sofa turning to the hard wood of his kitchen floor, the bodies next to him merging into one familiar silhouette. He had to get it out of him. 

He blinked again, head turning to face the others, eyes widened in slight panic, "I'll um- I'll be right back."

Before they could react, Tommy was dashing into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and sitting on the cold floor. His breathing grew quick, chest heaving, mouth soiled with the taste, stomach churning with the fear. He scrambled to the toilet, dry heaving with a muffled sob. His body was out of his control, an all to familiar feeling, as his shoulders quaked, his fight or flight kicking in, violently trying to force the alcohol back out before it was too late. 

He emptied his stomach into the white basin, gasping as tears dropped to the dirtied water. He could feel it, he could feel the alcohol seeping into his veins, the hands on his hips, the weight on his legs, the water sloshing around him. He was too late. It was going to happen. 

Tommy trembled, hunched over on his knees, tears racing down his face as his chest heaved. He tried to ignore the hands ghosting up his sides, grabbing at his hair, but their stifling warmth spread through him like an infection, polluting all his limbs and trapping him under its, _under his_ , weight. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he was trapped in his own skin and time was running out. He wanted to get out, he _needed_ to get out; the humidity enveloped him, coursing through his lungs and pushing him to the floor. He had to find the cold air, he had to escape. 

He didn't even register that he was hyperventilating, gasping for air he couldn't have, tears racking his shoulders. Vague voices filtered through the boy's ears, somehow quiet and unbearably loud at the same time. He thought he heard his name, the sound distorting and evaporating into the boiling air. He could've sworn the bathroom was now practically a sauna, his cheeks red, sweat dripping down his forehead, breath shallow and stifled. 

Another hand added to the phantoms, this one solid and jarring. Tommy jerked up, scrambling back violently until he hit the wall, wide eyes flying tearily from wall to wall. They finally landed on a silhouette, broad shoulders and wide neck looming over him. Tommy's breath immediately sped to an impossible degree, trying and failing to move further into the bathroom wall. The voices surrounded him, buzzing by his ears, words unrecognizable and deafening. He saw the hand reach for him again, and he could've sworn he saw bright blue eyes and straight blonde hair behind it. His arms flew to shield his face, body curling in on itself. A primal noise ripped from his throat, raw from being sick, cheeks stiff from crying. 

"S-Stop!" he finally managed to spit, hands trembling in front of his eyes, "Stop! Stop! Don't-" His voice was weak and gravelly, complete primal fear clouding every word. He wasn't even thinking, didn't even know he was speaking, just spewing whatever his frayed mind could think of that might deter him. 

"Stop, I dont- I don’t want this!" he yelled, voice turning raw. The figure froze at his words, swirling voices jolting to a stop. 

Tommy's chest heaved as he glanced up from behind his trembling hands, eyes stained with tears. 

And he- he wasn't there. 

Tommy looked past his fingers, breath hitching as he realized that he _wasn't there_. In his place were dark eyes clouded with concern and fear, familiar tufts of brown hair falling in front of them. 

"W-Wilbur?" Tommy gasped sharply, panic fleeing from his body like smoke, the chill suddenly seeping into the sauna condensing the mirror and flooding the blonde's lungs. 

Wilbur's mouth hung open for a second, unsure, before he seemed to realize he hadn't responded and licked his lips cautiously. "It's me, Tommy. It's just me," his voice shook. 

"Wilbur," Tommy sobbed, voice collapsing mid-statement. Wilbur sat perfectly still, unsure what to do, shaky hands raised in a show of peace until Tommy lunged forward, practically _throwing_ himself into the man's lap. 

Wilbur froze, eyes wide, before jumping into action and throwing his arms around the boy's heaving shoulders, hands running up and down his back as he sobbed. After a few minutes, Tommy's breath began to slow, and he slowly looked up from where his head had been buried in Wilbur's chest. Hi eyes were full of tears, skin red and swollen, and Wilbur could _feel_ his heart break in two. 

Tommy gradually ran his eyes through the room, landing on two more figures standing awkwardly in the doorway. Techno and Phil, he registered, realizing the men had been there the whole time, that the sounds were their voices calling for him. Upon meeting the teen's eyes Phil rushed into the room, practically collapsing onto his knees to comfort him. Tommy sat up a bit straighter, smiling weakly as Technoblade joined them on the bathroom floor. 

"I'm so sorry, Tommy... I had no idea," Wilbur whispered, hand still running soothingly up and down the teen's back. 

"It's," Tommy croaked weakly, " It's not your fault, I thought i'd be fine."

The room fell into silence, Tommy's breathing finally slowing back down to normal, the other three sat trying to process what happened. 

"So it's," Techno spoke, clearing his throat, "I'm guessing it's what it sounds like?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Toms," Phil breathed hand cautiously going to blonde hair, relaxing when the boy leaned into the touch, "I'm so fucking sorry."

Tommy just shook his head weakly, burying his head in Wilbur's chest, squeezing his arms tighter. Wilbur immediately squeezed back, moving his head to rest on Tommy's. 

They sat like that, Phil running his hand through Tommy's hair, Wilbur hugging him with the strength of a thousand older brothers, Techno leaning over Wilbur's leg to lay his head beside Tommy's. 

After what felt like hours, Will spoke oh so gently, "D'you think you can stand, Toms?"

Tommy just shook his head into Wilbur's shirt. 

Wilbur nodded and held the boy even tighter as the four of them slowly fell asleep on the bathroom floor. 

**Author's Note:**

> lol this actually happened to me today can someone say projection pog
> 
> if you read and enjoyed pls comment, the kind words i get on these fics are honestly what keep me writing it means the world to know i maybe help some people. also i crave validation and interacting on this site makes me feel warm n fuzzy:) 
> 
> i love u thanks 4 reading see u soon happy holidays or if not happy holidays have a good absolutely normal week<3


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